--I believe in equality, freedom, peace & honesty.
"The only time
"I have fallen into poetry and it has swallowed me up."
Just like all the drug addicts and murderers, I can honestly say that I never set out to be what I am today. In third grade, I wanted to be an astronaut but all the boys told me that’s not for girls like me. At twelve, I wanted to be a writer but my teachers laughed at me, saying that ain’t a…
"She said she was all she’ll ever have so she’ll have it all.
I watched her tear through skin like unbuttoning a shirt;
Reaching into her rib cage and wrapping her fingers
Around her heart as if it were an overripe plum, she plucked it.
She said, ‘You see this? This is the universe, this messy little thing. Watch.’
Jaw unhinged, she swallowed her heart whole
And looked me in the eyes as she licked her fingers of the taste.
She laughed and asked me if I was afraid, I nodded.
A pause, she sang, ‘That’s God’s doing.” And laughed again.
Breath ceased to sustain, a heartless body in front of me.
Her eyes rolled into the back of her head
And every hair on my body stood as if she were an inch away.
She smiled, cocked her head to the side and sighed. ‘So easy.’
I closed my eyes and breathed in, the air redolent of sulfur.
A cold hand touched the side of my neck
And breath burned my ear.
“Tell Him I’m waiting."
"Every Night Is A Constant Battle . I Have To Fight The Voices In My Head That Are Telling Me To Kill Myself , The Voices That Keep Me Awake. . & iHave To Try My Hardest To Fight Them And To Think Of At Least One Reason To Keep Going , One Reason To Keep Trying. . & I’m Afraid Because I’m Running Out Of Reasons. I’m Afraid Because The Voices Are Winning & I’m Afraid I’ll Give Up Because I’m Tired Of Fighting ."
1. Do not fall in love with me. I will break your heart and you will gladly welcome it. You will say that I am worth holding onto and that you will be fine. And I will reply stating whenever I fall asleep I hold onto myself. My own arms wrapped around my torso, my body cradled like a child, I don’t need you or anybody else. I will say again how I am going to break your heart and then I realize I already have.
2. Do not fall in love with me. I am fragile and bruised and people say a lot of things that they don’t mean so I know you will too. It’s just what I have come to accept. We let words spew out of our mouths, we make promises we can’t keep, and I know you probably mean them at the time, but time isn’t something people keep track of, dear. Minutes tick by, months even, and later you will just forget that I exist. And that’s okay, I’m used to it, just don’t promise to stay when I know you couldn’t.
3. Do not fall in love with me. I am like shrapnel. I will leave pieces of my heart with other people after these explosions and it will never be completely yours. You have a jealous soul, and that scares me. I have learned that there are people better than me, and if you choose to leave I would eventually accept that too. You are not bound to me, and I am not bound to you, so if you find someone better, what else could I do?
4. Do not fall in love with me. I will kiss you and mean it and I will want to discover your body and know you like the back of my palms. Do not let me. My body is covered in scars, and it’s gotten used to creating them. They’re not pretty and I don’t create smooth cut lines, but jagged ones. I will leave you. I will leave you bloodied, standing on the side of a road in the rain. As the rain falls down on your opened wounds, you will realize that I sting.
5. Do not fall in love with me. I don’t trust easily, and I will push you away. You will try to fight for me, but trying will just make my feelings decay. Patience was never your virtue, my darling. I can hear the ticking to the time bomb from all the years that we will never have. Time has never been our friend, yet we still attempt to manipulate the inevitable. We try to pretend that this is the least probable outcome. I think I am starting to acknowledge this.
6. Do not fall in love with me, because I am a poet. I put words to things I can’t explain. I write using metaphors and similes, combining phrases to pluck your heartstrings. I feel things way too deeply. When I hurt, I hurt badly. When I cry, you will hear me weeping. I have had my heart gutted out and placed back into the hollow of my chest. Do not fall in love with me, because I am not ready to fall in love with you."
"There are far too many people who bottle up
their depression, and let it sit and rot at the
bottom of their soul. It sits there, sits there,
it can be felt even more when you’re alone
and your mind begins to wander in the deepest
parts of melancholy. I think that’s what kills them,
the pressure of pretending they’re okay, that they
don’t have demons sitting on their chest in the
middle of the night. Instead of breathing through
it, grabbing a hand when they’re about to fall into
their own little hell, they try to fight it alone. Yet
sometimes you can’t fight it alone, you need to
scream out for help, and god no it doesn’t make
you weak or frail. It will just make you stronger in
the long run, when you have that face of someone
who cares in front of you sometimes a mile seems
like five steps and ten miles seems like one. It will
not be easy, it’s never easy, you’ll be wheezing and
sometimes barely holding on through your journey.
You can’t give up though, once you find that path,
you can’t give up. You’ll reach your destiny, but only
if you have the courage to face what’s in your way first.
No more swallowing it down with a bottle of liquor,
no more bleeding it out with a razor in your hand.
Let it out, scream it out. Put your fists up, and fight."
They say that nothing is as strong as a mother’s love, but that isn’t entirely true. A mother’s hate is infinitely stronger.
Parents voices fighting over one another to be heard. One yells out paranoia and delusions, the other of there insanity. Even when the fighting stops voices ring throughout my ears, and I can’t help but remember how much my mother must have loved me when she screeched, “shut up you ugly bitch.”
It is these echoes of words once spoken that leave tears streaming from red rimmed eyes and a salt soaked pillow after three years of cotton formed into a desert.
It is this motherly love that leaves me wishing to swallow the remainder of a bottle of narcotic strength pain killers, followed by an ice cold beer. An acrid taste but not one nearly as bad as the taste of those spiteful words rolling around on my tongue.
In the silence of night my teeth are clenched tight; prison bars to hold back the wailing sobs I wish to usher from my lips. Another tearful sleepless night, following my parents dreadful fights. In the morning puffy eyes ridged by red are expertly concealed.
If anyone were to ask if I’d been crying, I would shake my head in reply. For one surrounded by such motherly love, would surely never shed a tear."